The Ultimate Karasu x Kurama Fic
by The Rabid Toenail
Summary: (revised on 6-1-04)Shounen-ai love polygons! A parody of all those Karasu x Kurama fics out there... or at least it was supposed to be, but then something funky happened... .


The Ultimate Karasu x Kurama Fic  
  
Genre: Parody, humor Rating: PG-13?  
  
italics  
  
AN: Hello all you wonderful people out there! Umm... lost in all the cliché Karasu x Kurama fics, I decided to make fun of the cliché-ness... no offense to those of you who have written KxK stories... I actually support the pairing... although KxH is better... saa.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not married to Naoko Takenuchi... in fact, I'm not married at all! Ha ha!... and erm... what I'm trying to say is that Yuu Yuu Hakusho belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi and not me... yessh! nod  
  
Kurama was strolling merrily along the street one day when he happened upon a certain bomb-wielding crow youkai.  
  
"Hello, itooshi," Karasu whispered in the sultry voice he reserved for Kurama as he embraced the kitsune from behind.  
  
"Eek!" Kurama shrieked. "Get away from me, baka hentai!"  
  
Surprised, Karasu took a step back. "Nani? Daijoubo ka, kitsune?" came the concerned inquiry. "What's wrong?"  
  
"You'll rape me!" Kurama said, throwing his arms around himself to protect his all-too-desirable body.  
  
At this, the crow laughed. "Tee-hee, silly kitsune. This isn't one of those stories!" Karasu smiled brightly at the fox boy.  
  
"Hontou ni?" Kurama asked, allowing his arms to drop to his sides. "Oh... all right, then..."  
  
"Daisuki yo!" Karasu said, covering his mouth as he giggled and blushed.  
  
"Err... O.K. I- I think I'll go and save some trees now..." Kurama turned and began walking in the opposite direction.  
  
"IIE! DON'T LEAVE ME, ITOOSHI!" Karasu said, tackling the fox to the ground and huggling his arm. "I need you, my koi... I can't live without you..."  
  
"Please detach yourself from my appendage," Kurama said, sounding ticked off, but still wearing a sweet smile on his face.  
  
"I'm not touching your—oh, you mean your arm. Surely I shall; I would do anything for you, my dear!"  
  
Kurama: .  
  
Karasu: --  
  
Kurama: .  
  
Karasu: --  
  
Kurama: .  
  
Karasu: --;  
  
"Jia Ou Ensatsu Kokuryuha!"  
  
"Eep!" Karasu yelped, running behind his itooshi and consequently, barely avoiding being incinerated. "ANATA WA BAKA KISAMA DESU! You ruined our moment, you fiend!"  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Hiei pointed and laughed at the crow as he floated to the ground.  
  
"And behold! My only romantic rival, the Forbidden Child Hiei, has come to stake his claim on my beloved! Who will win fair itooshi's hand?" Karasu continued his poetic shouts, but by now Hiei had acquired some earplugs, and Kurama had begun reading War and Peace.  
  
Karasu's speech ended just as Yuusuke appeared. "THEREFORE, I SHALL DEFEAT THE VILE HIEI AND WIN MY FAIR KITSUNE'S AFFECTIONS!"  
  
Yuusuke burst out laughing. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
  
"You think this is funny? I speak of true love! I am the only man truly deserving of the fair Kurama's heart!"  
  
"Hn. Karasu wa baka desu. NO ONE can defeat me, fool," Hiei declared, leaping into the air. He unsheathed his sword, swinging it toward Karasu's head. Suddenly, there was an explosion and the clearing filled with pretty purple smoke. Hiei coughed, covering his mouth and nose with his hands.  
  
"Ku ku ku ku ku ku ku! That fire demon talked big, but he soon found that he was no match for my mad skills!" came Karasu's annoying voice from inside the miasma.  
  
Kurama picked up a large boulder and threw it at the crow youkai's head. Karasu crumpled to the ground, unconscious. As the miasma cleared, Hiei realized that Karasu was KO'd. Figuring that it was because of something he'd done, he flashed the 'victory' sign and did the Happy Fire Demon Dance.  
  
"So, Hiei..." Yuusuke began, a sly gleam in his eyes. "Are you going to ask Kurama to marry you?"  
  
Hiei glared at the back of Yuusuke's head, as if willing it to explode. "No," he said, eyes narrowing dangerously. Then he turned to Kurama. "But don't marry anybody else!"  
  
Kurama giggled. "Of course not, Hiei."  
  
Yuusuke burst out laughing, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
  
Hiei glared; Kurama looked concerned, as if fearing that his friend's life was about to be threatened (which it was). "One more word, Yuusuke," Hiei snarled, stepping toward the spirit detective.  
  
"And you'll what?"  
  
"JIA OU ENSATSU—!"  
  
"AAH!" Yuusuke ran away quickly, leaving little dust clouds in his wake as he rocketed down the street.  
  
Hiei chuckled maniacally, making passers-by stare. "Ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku—!" Hiei coughed, choking—his evil laugh was a little rusty. Kurama thumped on the fire demon's back, trying to be helpful.  
  
"Daijoubo ka, Hiei?" Kurama asked, concerned.  
  
"Hn. Baka kitsune." Figuring this was the best answer he was going to get, Kurama walked down the street, Hiei following him.  
  
"M-matte!" a now-conscious Karasu shrieked. The other two paid him no heed. "B-but... I THOUGHT I ENDED UP WITH MY KURA-CHAN!" Karasu sobbed pitifully, purple googly eyes wet from tears.  
  
"Join the club," came a voice from behind him.  
  
"Eh?" Karasu turned, coming face to face with a scantily clad chimera.  
  
"My name's Kuronue," the chimera said. "I was youko's man-whore, but then I died. I like playing with necklaces... and bishounen."  
  
"Oh... all right. Well, uhh... I'm Karasu and I love Youko and Shuuichi!"  
  
"Silly crow, a kitsune would only break your heart," Kuronue said, slipping an arm around the crow. "But I, on the other hand..."  
  
Karasu grinned, cuddling into the chimera's arms. After all, beggars couldn't be choosers... and he'd never dated a chimera before...  
  
Owari  
  
Written 3 – 23- 2004 Revised 6 - 01 - 2004  
  
Eek! Please review!... even I'm confused now. Saa. Saaave me! 


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